My childhood!!!

My childhood was like a dream...

I had such a lovely time and remember every single laugh and tear we shared.

But all that is left in me is the fading memories with pain and distance

I know we have come a long way apart and each in separate paths...

Can't cross the distance between our hearts

Each stuck in a happy quick sand of their own which just pulls us more farther

Each remember the happy and good times and the words which have made us sad

All are walking with the scars that was left behind

Once we tried to laugh and cry and share and lean on

And now we have even tried to unleash our animals and rip others heart out

Here we all stand in sister and brotherhood shedding tears and blood

Each trying to conceal the pain we have inflicted on others and still smile

If only I had the guts, I would surely say how sorry I am

If only I had the power to change time, I will definitely go and change things

Coz... the loneliness that is left behind after our fights will continue till my grave

Would love to fill the gap inside me before I could rest in this earth

Till then, my people... I want to say I really miss you all and will love you all more than ever
If I have to be born again, please be with me and lets try and make that life more meaningful

I am so incomplete without you all...

Sorry...till then

The skin I live IN!!!

I chose to write in this topic, coz it is such a fascinating topic!!! Colour of skin we are born with is something that is being determined by the genetic composition. The melanin pigment determines the colour and texture of a person's complexion. SO much for the technical part...But the whole world seems to be running around this buzz world. So many fights, killings, and incidents make you wonder whether there is any humanity left out in this world...

But I do have to say that I always envied people who had fair complexion for so many reasons, which I have personally experienced. Let me try and tabulate them

• In a crowd, no matter how knowledgeable you are, you are sidetracked or refused, if you are to the tanner shades compared to the lighter ones.
• When a person is fair, they don't have to make more effort to impress the opponent, coz you have a river that goes flooding from the drool of those in front.
• Fair skinned ones (FSO) are considered in someway superior to the darker skinned ones(DSO). I don't understand why they think being dark is dumb?
• If a FSO has to take 50% effort to shine, the DSO are probably supposed to take 150% effort to get a chance to prove that they are good enough too.
• Why is that when you open a matrimonial column, you see that all the grooms are in need of a fair complexioned, tall and slim beauties?
• When they name a guy, they say Tall, dark and handsome but when they name a girl, they don't say dark and pretty. I don't know why dark and pretty don't go hand and hand?
• Well this list keeps going on and on...

I have always been fascinated by K.Balachander's heroines like Saritha, Suhasini and Balumahendra's heroines like Shoba, Archana and others like Nandita das, Silk smitha and Hollywood hotties like Salma hayek, Halle berry etc. May be it is just my imagination that i feel that they all have such feminine essence radiating from them along with such an arrogance and intelligence. I have felt it as a deadly combination!!!

I heard a recent song which called the tanned heroine with a very peculiar name "Thoratti Kannu Karuvachi" which is very hard to translate in english. Just in a rough sense means a sexy eyed darker tanned girl! I would rather love to stay in this complexion because you don't have to be centre of attraction to feel good. I would rather have all the superficial ones
get filtered and get the real ones to turn to turn to my side, who would look beyond the skin.

So the let the world keep running behind the skin, I am better off with people who would rather have the brains to look beyond it... lol...

Will I be brave enough?

Trying to scold my sealed lips
Trying to recite what I want to say a million times inside me
Trying to hold my heart beats till I see you
Trying to check time as it passes by, waiting!!!

With your one smile, here I am standing stunned
Smiling back at you, forgetting all I thought!
Why did I lose the battle again?
There goes my seed of trial, let me feed it with more courage
Will wait for a tomorrow for it to sprout…

Like a seed that goes into nothing after giving a tree
My love for you will go into nothing after I give it to you!!!
I realized my heart only when you left me…
Where am I supposed to bury my vanished dreams and frozen smiles?

I refuse to think about you!!!
I refuse to succumb to your thoughts!!!
I know it is a closed chapter
Trying to rub off the wasted pages of love
Trying to tear off the mirage of our world…

But how am I supposed to finish the words
Those are going beyond the full stop?
I leave it to time to heal
Till then I will break my chains and grow wings
And try to learn to fly…

This vacuum!!!

Music to touch my ears and graze my heart
Poems to touch my heart and to make me cry
Scenic beauty to touch my eyes
Wonderful books to catch my attention
Wholesome conversation to make me active
Twinkling stars to capture my thoughts
Wind singing a lullaby, while I lie in the hammock
Trees and flowers to dance for an eternal drum beat
Misty rain to quench their thirst
And the list goes on and on
Am I just stuffing all this into my empty loneliness?
But nothing seems to have changed within me
Just the vacuum that is spreading like the cosmic universe within me
I think I miss you…

Women!!!

Well women... What can I say about them? I read in Tamil literature that there are so many stages in a girl' s life from childhood to her death and each stage denoted by so many different names ( Arivai, Therivai, Pedhai, Pedhunbai,Mangai, Madandhai, Perillam penn etc. etc.). Did they give such names because they are special? Well, I guess so...

The multifaceted thought of a girl cannot be just explained by mere words. A girl thinks of so many different issues at the same given time. If she is so good in her ideas and view point and strength, why is that women are considered the weaker species? I have always been taken by surprise, by the way the male dominance hits you and puts you aside. Being a girl, it is just taken for granted that she is not capable of doing things on her own and there are a hundred fingers to point out and a hundred suggestions to say how else it could have been done better?

I happened to read in a literature recently that the Indian Penal Code has brought in new rules and regulations against Domestic violence, which is good. They have divided them into 4 main categories: Verbal or emotional abuse, Physical abuse, Sexual abuse and Financial abuse. Well, we know about the financial part, Don't we? Dowry asked or should i rather say demanded and received on top of the table or below the table or what ever....which we all have witnessed. We have heard about the physical abuse as well...it is just the Beating, thrashing, kicking, Burning etc. causing grievous injury. Sexual abuse is new... I can't comment on it!!!

But the new part is, if a girl is been verbally abused, for example any ill words about her or her family or anything that causes emotional hurt to her state of mind, that comes under the category of domestic violence too. Cool, isn't it? Well, have you heard your mother or your sister cry after a tough ruffle, that is called Domestic violence, My dear ladies. So, what are we going to do about it? well, it is just a passing cloud. Can we all fuss over a few spilt words? After all, the male has an inborn right in their genes, to call you names and not only you, your family too which includes your father, mother, brother and sister. Just swallow it like a bad mean horrible yucky bitter tablet and make sure we all drink enough water to get it down from your throat into the bottom of your heart. Let it stay there forever and we will soon have more to add on to this priceless treasure of zingers and make our life a sacrifice to human kind. It is just no big deal... We have a huge group to accompany us in this. In India, over 78% of women are victims of domestic violence... Hip hip hurray...We are not alone.

How proud do you think I am, to be born as a girl? Well, in spite of all these craps, women are doing pretty good in all the fields. I really should appreciate that...

A small survey to show what is happening:INDIA: CRIME AGAINST WOMEN

• One crime against women every three minutes
• One rape every 29 minutes
• One dowry death case every 77 minutes
• One case of cruelty by husband and relatives every nine minutes
  Source: National Crime Records Bureau

A joke to finally add on: A survey by the International Institute for Population Studies showed 56% of Indian women believed wife beating to be justified in certain circumstances. The reasons varied from going out without the husband's permission to cooking a bad meal. LOL... Keep going, My dear people... Just a few more years to touch the ground coz you are really stooping as low as possible. Good for you all....

Why is it so difficult to say sorry?

Sorry.... Such a small word with so much meaning in it. Why is it so difficult to say this small word at the right time to the right person? What is that which stops us from saying it? Is it the Pandora's box which remains seated within everyone silently with full of ego, anger, spite, jealousy, fear, hypocrisy, condescension, arrogance, which just springs open when u have the least resistance over it?

I have lost a lot of people in this due course of my silly life, because i could not bring my self to apologize. The hurt of losing the trust and love of that person continues like a deadly shadow. If only I could meddle with the time warp, I would definitely go back to say sorry, or guess i would try? As the awkward silence continues after a fight, I was just pulled far away from my friends and loved ones etc. The distance just kept growing and growing till it became a huge canyon in between the hearts and it becomes impossible to reach one another. Now even If I see them on their face, a multitude of feelings just run inside and finally I am just left to feel the pain and hurt and insult and remorse. Gone are the days, when forgiveness prevailed.

Even now, I have no backbone to go up to them to say sorry. I am so scared of being rejected again. If only I had the courage....

I apologize to those hearts which still carry the scar of whatever I did. I really do....

Chocolates and Icecreams

One more gift, these species has been blessed by god almighty is Chocolates and Ice creams...
Well I eat a lot of chocolates and ice creams, no matter how bad my skin gets. Don't want to give up on the very few happy things I do as well.

I had conducted a survey, while I was working in Doncaster and Bassetlaw Trust, amongst all the ladies. My only question was : What would you choose a nice round of making love with your Boyfriend or A lovely bar of chocolates and a nice book to go with it? Trust me... More than 80% wanted just the chocolates ( Guess it is less cumbersome and tasty too). The ones who chose the other choice were soon on this side of the rally too.

It is said Chocolates releases chemicals which can stimulate the sexual pleasure and it is also said that eating chocolates during pregnancy makes happy babies. I am not kidding, guys!!! Check it for yourself:http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/3604275.stm and http://www.alternet.org/sex/49855/

I love them in spite my bad gene pool of diabetes, hypertension and sorts of crap... Well! I really don't want to lose on the aspect of eating what I love, Immaterial of what it causes...

Music...

Where can I even start about music? It is one of my best friends and will be forever. Whenever I eat ice creams, I can almost hear my mom saying " you are gonna spoil your voice". Never really thought of it much, till I went to college. After singing in a few competitions and winning them, I realised I had an OK voice and atleast I am able to hold the note...(Thanks to my teacher who had taught carnatic vocal for 6 years, who had really put up with my nonsense).

Whether it is SPB singing "munpaniya" or Hariharan singing "kadhalai yaradi mudhalil solvadhu" or Haricharan singing "Unnai kandenne".... They all can put smile in the face and a give a very very heavy heart... If I keep saying about all my favourite songs, I think this space won't be enough. I haven't even started on the female playback singers and there is carnatic vocal, instrumental, Hindustani ghazals, and then there is all other genres like hip hop, blues, reggae, rap, Latin, Persian, etc etc ....

I can talk for an eternity about music through out...... Thank god that we are blessed with all these lovely voices. Life would have been a disaster without music...God bless all of them...

My son

I love my son and he is the only driving force for me in life. I will live for him and die for him. He makes me laugh and cry at the same time. He makes me happy and proud and drives me nuts. I have no patience and My mom always used to say" Well! may be I should have been so hard on you. You have a son not a computer. Well what can I say? I don't have patience.

One very interesting creature i met in my journey to el dorado told me that I am a terrible mom. But a wonderful father!!! I take this as an opportunity to congratulate myself for that. At least I am able to do one role properly.LOL...

Words of wisdom

• Money is not everything...
  There's MasterCard & Visa!
• Save water...Shower with your girl friend!
• Love thy neighbor...But don't get caught!
• Behind every successful man, there is a woman...And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two!
• Every man should marry...After all, happiness is not the only thing in life.
• Wise men never marry...And, when they marry they become *otherwise*.
• Children in backseats cause accidents...Accidents in backseats cause children!"
• Hard work never killed anybody..."But why take the risk!
• "Work fascinates me!"I can look at it for hours!!
• God made relatives...Thank God we can choose our friends.
• The more you learn, the more you know...The more you know, the more you forget!The more you forget, the less you know...So... why learn?!
• Love is photogenic...It needs darkness to *develop*!