Saturday, June 30, 2007

Full moon and My life!!!

Have you ever felt connection with Moon, the way I feel? May be some have, but I feel that Full moon has been there witnessing most of the important events of my life with me... Yeah... Yeah... Yeah... Another nut case there, you think... Well may be, But I am telling the truth!
I remember my childhood especially during the vacations, where we used to go to Coimbatore to my Athai's place. I used to fight for the window seat to watch the moon travel with me. Very happy times, All of us used to keep munching something or other till we reach CBE. Fun times... I have seen this silly Moon following us and envying us for having all the fun.
Did I tell you I learnt classical Bharathanatiyam since I was 7 for almost 8 years? We used to be dressed up and wait at back stage. Most of them were open stages and I used to feel so important and used to love the hustle and bustle around me. Lime light at the age of 7... I was a bit of a show off, Well, I was the prime student for Our dance teacher, Shanthi miss. I cannot forget those times. Well, waiting at the back stage with the traditional costume on and face full of makeup and haltha in hand and heart ticking in excitement, when I look up... This Moon was still there looking at me.
I was growing up... Hale and healthy... There are times when My mom used to mix food for Me and my two brothers and my 3 cousin sisters and make us sit in a huge circle with a big bowl full of appalam in the middle of us, in our back yard. We had nice garden with lots of trees around some coconut trees, guava tree, custard apple tree, banana tree, and lots more with lots of grass and in the front we had all flowering plants and shrubs. It used to be so nice. In the night times, with the nice sweet smell of the garden and all the chirping sound of the insects and all the 6 of us making a huge mess and feasting from the balls of rice and appalam from my mom's hand, all of us will be talking at the same time and laughing and My Dad and my grandma and my athai and my chithappa will be watching us and enjoying. Guess what, this moon was there witnessing this huge family's love and happiness and trust.
Then, we were in our teens. I remember my first sight. It sounds so silly. I felt this odd sense of being still treated as a child at home and being looked as an adult when I walk out in public. There was this guy who used to come in the cycle behind our rickshaw. He was in a different school, But used to come till my school and keep going front and back, showing all sorts of stunts. Though I didn't know how to react, I used to feel so happy. Silly, I know... Then there was this guy in the class and he used to be Boys leader and I used to be Girls leader. I used to stay awake not knowing why and used to watch this moon looking at me, tossing and turning.
I went to medical college and had a lovely gang and was friends with everyone. We had a huge roof top, where we used to sit and chat till 2 or 3 in the night. We used to eat there, used to celebrate birthday parties there, used to just lie down and watch the stars and this stupid moon in the vast sky.
Then came a day... I was standing in Engineering college, where medical college students were conducting an exhibition. It was April 3rd... I was in charge of a few assignments and projects there. My brother came rushing in and asked me to come with him in a very harsh tone. There has always been an ego fight between me and my brother. Twins, you see... I was getting mad at him. He said Dad is not well, we should start now. I was not worried. Then he said these people who called said Dad was no more. There used to be lots of prank calls like this during this April fool's time. I was kinda scared but was very sure nothing would go wrong. I just spoke to my Dad, previous day night. Then came back to the hostel, to pack. I was sure that Dad was just not well, nothing else would go wrong. My brother said there was no buses at that time. So He said let us go in his Bike. It was a 6 hours journey from my college to my home town. We started at around 6 in the evening and There was this beautiful full moon watching us, riding in silence, bubbling with lots of questions and uncertainties and prayers. We never spoke one word, nor we stopped anywhere. That 6 hours of journey in that night, in the silence and Full moon still haunts me. We saw lots of cars and people, the minute we entered our street, My brother just said," Ayyo! Priya!!!"in a whisper. That day My Dad was not there with us. I remember watching mile after mile passing us by with the company of the Full moon and praying and shedding tears in silence, thinking that My Dad should be alright. This full moon was mocking at us then too!!!
Then came My marriage, The fights in the family, The splits, The heartaches, My pregnancy, My labour and My separation and My happiness... For my every single major event, The full moon never failed to give its attendance. Especially My labour... 15 hours of Pain and I could see the moon out of the window ceiling. All I could do was watch the Moon and feel the pain and contraction. I felt as if a very dear friend who has been there in good and bad times is just staying with me. I gave birth to my son at around quarter to 1 in the night. The moon was the first one to see My son too...
Even Now, lots of heartaches do follow me. I watch so much of uncertainties in front of me. Have you felt close to some one or something, but still you know and feel that you have no right over it or them? Well, walking away from them or seeing them walk away from you is one of the most depressing thing one can experience. I still have those experiences, bad ones. But when I look up at the sky, at least My moon is there to say, "Don't worry! At least I am here for you and will be there till you disappear".