Hello world!!!

A belated Happy new year wishes from me.... Hope and pray that all goes well... Hope and pray all the wars in this world will come to an end... Hope and pray that this planet will start saving their environment... Hope and pray that We all will be able to get what we want in our lives.

தனிமை

காலை கடிகாரம் அடிக்கும் முன்பே
கண்விழிப்பு...
தூங்கியும் தூங்காத நினைவு!
படுக்கையில் கிடக்கும் நேரம்
வெறுமையின் விரல்களின் கிடுக்கிபிடி...
மூச்சு விடவே சிரமத்துடன் தொடங்கும்
என்னுடைய இன்று...

நேற்றுக்கும் என்றைக்கும்
பெரிய மாற்றம் ஒன்றும் இல்லை...
என் இன்றைக்கும் நாளைக்கும்
ஒரு வித்யாசம் இல்லை...
இயந்தரமாய் மாறிய கால்கள்
நேராக கூட்டி செல்லும் தயாராக...

உடை மாறி கடவுள் முன்
கண்மூடி நிற்கும் நேரம்
என்னை அறியாமல் இமை நனைக்கும் கண்ணீர்...
என்ன வேண்டி என் பிரார்த்தனை?
அதுவே மறந்து போய் நான்...
மனது லயித்து செய்யும் செயல்கள்
மறந்து நாட்கள் பல பல!!!

நெஞ்சின் உள்ளே ஒரு பெரிய பூட்டு
இதயம் அதனுள் மறுத்து துருவேறி போய்!!!
மிதமிஞ்சி இயங்கும் மனித அலைகளின்
மத்தியில் பாலைவன தனிமை...
எதற்காக நடக்கிறேன்?
என்ன செய்கிறேன்?
என்ன தேடுகிறேன்?
என்ற கேள்விகளின் குமுறல்கள்
அடங்கி நான்...

இந்த தனிமையின் பதில்
எப்போது கிடைக்கும்
தாயின் மடியில் கண்மூடவும்
என் மகனின் தலைமுடி கோதி உச்சி முகரவும்
கொதியாய் கொதிக்கும் மனது...
நாட்களின் இரைச்சல்களில்
ஒவ்வொரு மணித்துளியும் அடித்து கொண்டு ஓட
என்றாவது கரை ஒதுங்குவேன்
என்ற சிறிய நப்பாசையில்
இன்னும் மிதந்து கொண்டு
என் நாட்கள்...

Cold!!!

Lonely lonely me the earth,
My sun is lost somewhere afar
Sleepless nights and days of dark
Life grim as death and dull it seems.
Tell me lies and I will forget
Oh how sweet life sprung from we...
Lets make as if a dream it was;
To colour all the clouds with love.
Twinkling are the smiling stars
What do they know of hurting hearts.
A world with life of saddened forms
A misty tale of joy and love
Alas! There comes from west the wind
With news of an eclipse it seems,
Oh how stupid, so long I've been
To blindly miss the signs so clear.
The truth is in my blindspot still
That moon, she moves and thus reveal
Tis jealousy to hide my light
And leave me cold within the sould.
And now the truth too sweet to bare,
Its still around and never gone
My Sun!
My light!
Always do care...
For the love we share!

Stuck again!!!

I have been given a chance to come back to UK and try working again... I guess that is almost like a second chance for me. In fact last chance at this point of time. Happened like a miracle. But as usual the time is still up and running against me. I'm yet to get my registration and only when that comes through I can start work. So waiting... waiting... waiting.... I have been running from one part of the world to another to get a chance to come back to the same place which gave me an identification. So Here I'm currently jobless, currently penniless, currently low in morale, currently getting freezing up in the weather. How funny... with this global warming, the places are getting colder... I know the scientific reason... When your mind goes blank, You really don't go into reasons. When all the colours fade, black prevails... That is how I'm black..... inside and out...

So people who are looking forward for a Christmas and a new year are lucky. COZ i have spent my birthday alone and Diwali and Christmas and new year wouldn't make a difference. Anyone who wants to pep up my mood by saying, its just a passing phase... BACK OFF!!! I'm fuming inside... LOL... How i can cry and make a joke and laugh about my situation at the same time. Like Bernie Mac says "This is the only way I know to tackle my problems. Making a joke out of it and laughing it out"... More like our "Thunbam varungal naguga" in Tamil... Somehow can't bring to put it in practice.

ANYWAYS HAPPY CHRISTMAS AND NEW YEAR TO ALL!!!

My world of uncertainites!!!

Its been a while since my last post... Don't even ask me what I have been through in this past few months! Life has been adventurous and demanding and depressing and frustrating all at once. If there is one place where I can find a solution, I swear i will give my hand and feet to get there.

The paths I have crossed is unbelievable and the days are running. I don't seem to have any grip over any matter. Well I feel as low as I can ever be... Hope fully I will post a blog in a bit more cheerful mood, soon.

எதற்காக?

தாயின் வயிற்றில் கருவுற்ற
நாள் முதல் ஓட்டம்!
நேரத்துடன் போட்டி...
கடுகளவில் தொடங்கி
கையும் காலும் முளைத்து வளர்ச்சி...
பத்து மாதம் போக
வெளிஉலகம் தொட்ட நேரம் தொடங்கி...
வயிற்று பசி...
வளர பசி...
உயிர்வாழ பசி...

புத்தி தெளிய தெளிய
எல்லாம் கற்க வெறி!
அன்னையும் தந்தையும் அரவணைக்க
எல்லார் முன்னிலும் விருட்சமாய் வளர
கல்வி பசி...
கண் விழித்து... போட்டி இட்டு...
தேர்வுகளின் பிடிகளில் சிக்கி
ஒரு போராட்டம்...
படிப்பும் முடித்து
வேலைக்கான அலைச்சல்...
மீண்டும் ஓட்டம்...

வேலையும் கிடைக்க
வாழ்வில் மீண்டும் பசி
இன்னொரு துணை தேடி...
புணர பசி...
இன்னொரு ஜீவனை படைக்க பசி...
நாட்கள் ஓட ஓட
உடலும் சோர்ந்து கடமைகள் அழுத்த
இன்னும் வேண்டும் வேண்டும்
என்று பட்டியல் நீள
திரும்பி வந்த பாதை நோக்க
நாட்கள் உருண்டு கரைந்து!!!

எல்லாம் கிடைக்க
இன்னும் ஓட்டம்
இத்தனை நாள் சுமந்தது எல்லாம்
சட்டென்று ஓர் நாள் மறைந்து போக
நிதர்சனம் நான் தான் என்று விளக்கும்
இறப்பு!!!
எதை நோக்கி இந்த ஓட்டங்கள்,
இந்த கண்ணீர், இந்த ஆனந்தம்
என்ன தான் பொருள்?

எதற்கு வந்தோம்...
என்ன சாதித்தோம்...
எங்கு போகிறோம்...
விடை தெரியாத கேள்விகள்
செத்த பின் சொர்க்கமா நரகமா...
எந்த கடவுளை பின்பற்றினால்
சொர்க்கம் நிச்சயம் என்ற போட்டிகளின் மத்தியில்...
ஒன்று மட்டும் நிஜம்
பிறப்பை கணிக்க தெரியாது போனாலும்
எல்லோரும் இறப்பது மட்டும் நிஜம்
என்ற உண்மை மெல்ல தெளியும்...

Painful Lonely!!!

Its been a while since my last post! Lots of changes, Lots of revelations, Lots of tears and Nothing seemed to have beaten the time clock. Everyday keeps rising up and falling down, as if nothing can stop it or beat it.

My uncle passed away, last week... The painful thing was, When you are staying away from your land, you are stuck in a different world, where your pain and loss is just yours. I couldn't even give him my last respect... Neither me nor my son!!! He loved my son so much. He was a great soul, Hard working, has made so many climb up the wall of success and had always been the ladder. The amount of suffering he underwent was enormous. THOUGH I LOVE HIM SO MUCH,I DIDN'T HELP HIM. I had been selfish, thinking about my problems and my future and my son's. If I had helped him, may be he would have been alive today. Life especially mine is lead with guilt and self blame, always!!!

The thing was, when my Mom called me to say that My uncle passed away, I was stuck in a clinic with so much of patients. No matter how much grief I had, I had to have a plastic smile stuck on my face and had to greet, laugh and be considerate to strangers, trying to sort out their issues, while my insides were churning with loss and anguish. All I kept hearing in my ears were one of his words which has made me to fight all the while. He asked me to Prove him wrong and be successful in all that I do, instead of succumbing to my problems. Here I am still trying!!! But I pray again for forgiveness...

One done from the list of things to do before I die!!!

I should say, I have always found swimming as almost next to impossible and mysterious. How can a human no matter what their weight is capable of floating in the water? Will it ever be possible for me to buoyant? And given my present size and shape, I almost gave up on the idea of learning to swim. But, With a help of a very good heart and a very strict teacher, I am now floating in the water.

I go to Anse lazio, which is a lovely beach in the whole of earth, that will captivate your heart and soul whenever possible. It didn't occur over night. I remember the first day, when I drank almost a gallon of sea water and left the beach with a burning throat, nose and eyes, I almost cursed myself for getting into the water. But slowly and steadily, I am able to not only float but move with the water. This week when I went to the beach, I got into the water and I thought I forgot all about swimming. My hands and legs didn't work. But slowly I caught the feel and I started swimming. The current and the back draft is so strong in the beach during high tides, But I still managed. Got a well done from my lovable teacher too.

As I was swimming, It started raining so much. Do you know that the sea water becomes warm when it rains. It felt like heaven and it is surely a feeling to be experienced!!! Yo... People!!! Start swimming and feel what I mean... What can I say? Though we have all been water borne all the nine months in our mother's womb, We just lose touch! But I am sure, it will be OK in matter of time. I am now training to hold breath underwater, which is scary... But I will update about my new found talent...

I am so so so sooooper boredddd!!!

So Here I am trying innocently to pass on an yet another boring day... You see, for people of Seychelles, it is a long weekend and we have a public holiday on Monday as well. So I really have tried to do stuff to kill... really kill time and I accept I lost on a major slide, coz i ran out of ideas.

Hence I turn to the Internet as always to help me with my mega boredom. A very wise person has really knighted me as Ms. Bored... But I think I would rather have it as my middle name. It kinda suits me better. Anyways, I didn't know what to surf for after a while hence I just typed bored on Google and " VOILA!!!". I have list after list to do to just kill time... I should say all this time I was thinking I was the Master of Boredom... But there are some very wise literates who are probably doing PhD after PhD on trying to kill time.

I really tried some and it worked... So Here is my list of favourite things to kill boredom... Trust me, it works perfectly...

1. Try to Blink wildly and then shut your eyes tight to see a fantastic array of shapes, colours and funny bobs of light... (I am not responsible if you go dizzy...)

2. Try not to think of Penguins for 3 minutes... (Now be honest to yourself and have a timer...)

3. Try to pick up a passerby and put all your mind into thinking of making him or her drop the bag or even to knock into someone. (If by any chance it does happen, you can brag yourself about your new found extrasensory perception... Bravo to you!)

4. Go ahead and scratch yourself everywhere... Even if it doesn't itch... (I should say after a few seconds it does feel pleasurable! But it does burn if you overdo... so watch out)

5. Pick a random word and keep saying it loud again and again, till it loses its meaning and all you are left with is a meaningless noise! (I didn't think I will fall for it.... I kept saying lunar again and again... till i went blank and i should say after a while I really didn't know the meaning of the word. It left my brain more scrambled than usual...)

6. Pinch yourself... GO ahead! ( I did, till it hurt. I honestly will stick to being bored, I guess)

7. Try to invent a funny twitch and enact it when you are in public... ( I really got embarrassed with this one)

8. Try to make as many paper boats as possible and go to the near by stream or even a gutter and name each boat and make a competition out of them. See which one wins!!! ( My personal favourite!!! But being a Doctor where almost everyone knows me... This has been difficult to maintain without funny glares! Awww! damn.... who gives a flying duck? I enjoy this. So go on and try)

9. Go to a candy shop and buy loads and loads of them and eat them for breakfast, midday snack, lunch, dinner and supper.... ( I am not responsible for the calories or the backside which might swell up like Brazil, if you keep doing it regularly...)

10. You can pick up booger from your nose everyday and make a journal out of it... ( I can get into the gross details... You can make a diary explaining the colour and quantity and texture of your booger and may be have a competition with one of your friend, if there is someone who will share your interest... LOL! )

11. Sit in postures till a particular part of your body goes numb and feel the pins and needles and then try it on another part!

12. Rent out a movie and then finish watching it and go back again in 2 hours and rent another one and watch and return to get another movie!!! ( This is loads of fun!)

13. Take out all the dress from the closet and try them on and make your own fashion parade!

14. Learn to peal a Banana with your foot ( Though I wouldn't advise you to eat, as a Doctor)

15. Put a trash can in the middle of the room and Try to throw paper balls from different corners of the room and make it a game. ( this does help to kill time)

16. Try kissing your elbow.... (If you can!!!)

17. Have a staring competition with yourself in the mirror( This was pretty dumb!)

18. Put the music that you love and dance around naked in your living room... ( make sure all the windows are closed or you might be the reason for giving someone else heart attack!!!)

19. Go round spinning till you go dizzy!!! ( keep the furniture away!)

20. Lie down and watch the clouds and Keep a notepad and draw out all the figures you can make out!!!

Go on and try all this if you are bored... These are life savers! If you are not into anyone of this, write a blog like me.... Whether there are people who really read it or not... It does takes the weight of your chest...

Will soon make a list of things I want to do Before I die and Will post it.... So till then, Bask in your boredom and embrace it...

கோபம்!!!

என் நாட்களின் முடிவுகளில்
மனசின் இருட்டு பிரதேசத்தில்
எஞ்சி தொக்கி நிற்பது
கோபமும் விரத்தியும் சோர்வும்
என் உணர்வுகளுக்கு காரணம் உண்டா?
தெரியவில்லை!!!
என் முயற்சிகளின் முடிவில்
புதை சேற்றில் சிக்கியது போல
மூச்சி விட முடியாது
நெஞ்சை அழுத்தும்
என் கோபம்...
எதை நினைத்து என் வெறி?
என் வாழ்கை பாதையின் நீளம் கண்டா?
எடுக்க வேண்டிய முடிவுகளை கண்டா?
என் தனிமையை கண்டா?
குழப்ப கூடுகளின் தாக்கம் கண்டா?
என் கடமைகளை கண்டா?
என் சரிகளும் தப்புகளும் தர்க்கம் கண்டா?
எது எப்படியோ...
என் கோபம் மட்டும்
கொழுந்து விட்டு
கனன்று கொண்டே....
இரைச்சலோடு கத்த தோன்றும்!!
கை வலிக்கும் வரை அடிக்க தோன்றும்!!!
நெஞ்சு அணையும் வரை அழ தோன்றும்!!!
எல்லாம் அடங்கி வெறுமை பரவும்!!!
என் கோபங்களுக்கு அர்த்தம் உண்டோ?
இருக்கலாம்...
என் கோபங்களை சொல்லி அழ தோள் வேண்டுமோ?
வேண்டாம்...
என் கோபங்கள் மறைந்து போகுமோ?
போனாலும் போகலாம்...
என்னதான் என் பிரட்சனை?
குழப்ப சிடுக்கின் உள்ளில் அமர்ந்து
கோபக்னியில் உழன்று உழன்று
எதை தேடி தான் என் ஆவேசம்...
என்னை புரிந்து
என் கோபம் தணிக்க
ஒன்றுமே இல்லாத
வேற்று பிரதேசம்!!!
மெல்ல தெளியும் நிமிடம்
ஒன்று புரிகிறது....
இன்றைய என் பொழுதில்
என் கோபம் மட்டுமே
உயிர் ஒன்று உண்டு
என்னுள் என்று
உணர்த்திக்கொண்டு...