Painful Lonely!!!

Its been a while since my last post! Lots of changes, Lots of revelations, Lots of tears and Nothing seemed to have beaten the time clock. Everyday keeps rising up and falling down, as if nothing can stop it or beat it.

My uncle passed away, last week... The painful thing was, When you are staying away from your land, you are stuck in a different world, where your pain and loss is just yours. I couldn't even give him my last respect... Neither me nor my son!!! He loved my son so much. He was a great soul, Hard working, has made so many climb up the wall of success and had always been the ladder. The amount of suffering he underwent was enormous. THOUGH I LOVE HIM SO MUCH,I DIDN'T HELP HIM. I had been selfish, thinking about my problems and my future and my son's. If I had helped him, may be he would have been alive today. Life especially mine is lead with guilt and self blame, always!!!

The thing was, when my Mom called me to say that My uncle passed away, I was stuck in a clinic with so much of patients. No matter how much grief I had, I had to have a plastic smile stuck on my face and had to greet, laugh and be considerate to strangers, trying to sort out their issues, while my insides were churning with loss and anguish. All I kept hearing in my ears were one of his words which has made me to fight all the while. He asked me to Prove him wrong and be successful in all that I do, instead of succumbing to my problems. Here I am still trying!!! But I pray again for forgiveness...