Struggling for Perfection!!!

Millions of women all over the world, including me, are always unhappy most of the time about the way we look. No matter how pretty a girl is, I can bet a 100 quid, that she is insecure about something regarding her appearance. It might be her skin, her teeth, her nose, her smile, her hip or her butt... But mostly its the problem with the weight which causes all the women go bonkers!!!

There is this age old saying, " Beauty is just skin deep"... Isn't it? Then why is weight loss seems to be the biggest buzz word around Beauty care industry ... So many websites, products, workouts, package deals, get slim quick scams...

But since, I am here in Seychelles, MY physical exertion has really gone next to nothing... I do long for a hip that is a cross between Simran and Shakira with a butt like Jennifer lopez and a skin as smooth and flawless as Queen latifah... As if... But I am addicted to sugar so badly... I cant even eat a paper with sugar written on it. And believe me, Thanks to all the Cadburys and Mars and Snickers with Cheese crackers, My backside is getting as big as Brazil and my skin is now in such a mess... I thought as a big girl now, I should take control of my eating habits. I wish my weight is just half of what it is right now...

So I kept a two weeks time limit and wanted to watch out how MY Weight was doing in this time. I hate to wake up early... I am an ardent member of that group in Orkut, if you don't trust me. SO for the past 2 weeks, I have been pushing myself to wake up at 5.30 in the morning and do walking. Climbing up and down the mountains half asleep is not my cuppa tea.... But I really did it. And don't forget about all the time i was just drooling over the chocolate sections in the mall, and all the time i had to sacrifice the juicy curry and stick to stupid sandwiches and the painful crunches and all the times i was sweating like a pig over the aerobics.

After two weeks of painful weeks, I have lost half a kilo... Thanks god, I am saved. LOL... I am going to be skinny in another 3 years time... Well who am I kidding, I am never going to be thin, I am big boned... OR should I am say like Obelix " I am well covered "... Anyways tasting the first bite of chocolate after two weeks was a moment of epiphany. I was literally crying with tears of Ecstasy.... LOL

So there went my plans of becoming a super thin femme fatale down the drain. But I have started eating healthy and doing exercises, Owing to my wonderful GENE POOL... Hypertension, Diabetes, Cardiovascular diseases, Neurovascular diseases, Cancer and Obesity, you name it, I have it in my family... SO Just want to stay healthy for a few more years. What can I say, " I JUST CAN'T AFFORD TO GET SICK? ". You think i am going nuts now, Well that is what we call as Sugar cravings... Time for some more Chocolates. NAH..... I will stick to some Green tea this time. Green tea is supposed to take care of the wobbly bits and pieces stacked with cellulite, because of the antioxidant property, I am told!

SO I am still in the process.... IF I lose 10 kgs of weight, I swear i will put a big picture of myself saying BEFORE and AFTER and probably write a book saying, " Fighting through the hard times" and make a tearful speech even in the TV, saying How I Overcame my weights? Like all the ones we see. Who knows I might be a celebrity one day...

ஏனோ?

என் அன்பு தந்தையே!
வாழ்வின் பொருள் இன்னதென்று
தெரியாது இன்னும்
விளிம்புகளில் தொங்கிக்கொண்டு நான்!
நாட்கள் போக போக
ஏன் காலசுவட்டின் பக்கங்கள்
கருகி போய் இருட்டின் ஓரத்தில்
இன்னும் தொக்கி போய் நான்!

என் இந்த நெளியும் நாட்களில்
நீள்வட்டமாய் என் பிம்பம்
எனக்கே அடையாளம் தெரியாது...

திரும்ப திரும்ப கேட்கிறேன் என்னையே
என் பிறப்பின் அர்த்தங்களை!
இல்லாத பொருளை, தொலைத்தாய் எண்ணி
தேடும் கரைசலாய் நான்!

எத்தனை முயன்றும் முழுதாய்
சிரிக்கும் சிரிப்பை உங்களுடன் புதைத்து விட்டு
மறையும் ஒரு ஒரு பகலும் காத்து நிற்கிறேன்!

மனதின் ஆழத்தில் இருந்தாலும்
அரித்து அரித்து போய்கொண்டேயிருக்கும்
நினைவுகளை கண்டு செய்வதறியாது
பதறி போய் நான்!

என்ன சமாதானம் சொல்லியும்
என் நேரம் விழுங்கிகொண்டே இருக்கின்றது
உங்களை பிரிந்த வேதனை!
அலையடிக்கும் மணலாய்
திசைதோறும் போகும்
என்னோடு நீங்களாவது இருந்திருக்கலாம்...
ஒண்ட இடமில்லாது ஓடும்
இந்த பரதேசி வாழ்வில்
சிறிதேனும் சந்தோஷம் இருந்திருக்கக்கூடும்!

அதை விடவும் மேல் நீங்கள் இருந்து
நான் போயிருந்தால்!!!
நினைவுகளும் என் சமாதியில்
ஏகாந்தம் தந்திருக்கும் இந்நேரம்
நான் என்பதை கரைத்து கரைந்து...
ஏனோ
என் மனதிற்கு தெரியும்
வெகு தூரம் இல்லை!!!
காண்போம் மறுபடி என் தந்தையே...
விடியும் என் ஒவ்வொரு நாளும் காத்து தான் நிற்கிறேன்!!!

My days in Praslin!!!

You all know, I am in Seychelles now. I should admit that I have never been to such a beautiful place, in my whole life. Whichever side you turn, you end up watching either mountains abundant in rich trees and the most beautiful beaches you could ever lay your eyes on!

The flat I stay in Mahe is on a hill top called Le Niol overlooking the beach and its so calm and quiet. I'm off on Sundays and believe me or not, I just sit in front of the window and watch the sea, unaware of the time flying past. I never knew the sea changes colours and Even if I can present what i see in a picture or by a splash of colours or by a thousand words, I'm cent percent sure that I will not do justice to the scenic beauty of mother nature.

But just for the record, As the day dawns the sea is kinda bluish gray and with the sun come up it turns into mossy green to blue. In the afternoon the water becomes so clear its turquoise blue and peacock green in patches with the reefs and during the evening, with the sun set it rapidly changes to organ and red and maroon and dark with all the yachts and ships glimmering like glow worms.

I had the pleasure of visiting a nearby island Praslin ( the first pic in this ), Where I'm going to be settled after April. Travel is via a boat or a plane. I am admitting for the first time that I have a bad case of motion sickness. I get sick even if i travel in train which goes faster than like a 80 km/hr. I am that bad. Guess what I would have become with the sea. I was travelling on a full moon day. TRUST ME! The high tide was making me go so woozy. But I have never been in deep sea during sun rise and sunset. In spite of my sickness, I was amazed by the sea. The whole scene was so magical, I should accept. I just was not in better position to enjoy it. May be the next time...

Praslin is much more serene. It has so many lovely beaches and there is one more thing about Praslin, This being not only the second biggest island next to Mahe, It has a special kind of coconut called, " COCO DE MER" ( last pic ). Its the weirdest kind of stuff, I have seen. It resembles like a female private parts you see and the male tree has something like a male Private part. But No One is interested in the male,you see, as its obviously not a pretty site... lol..... Anyways this place has more untouched beaches and waterfalls, Natural parks and coral reefs and stuff.

I happened to work there for a week and I didn't have Internet or TV or noisy traffic. It was toooooooooo quite. I suddenly realised how gadgets and electronic stuffs has filled my whole life. I was not sure of how to entertain myself and kill my time without these.

There is this Jetty (Small Port) and a very small beach in front of Baie st. Anne ( the second and third and fourth pics ) where i lived. I just go there in the evening with bread slices and sit and watch the sea and the reef below and feed the fishes. All coloured and shaped fishes.... Its beautiful. I wish I have my son with me to enjoy this with me. It became a routine now. People are friendly and I enjoyed working there.

It's actually a shame to admit that I don't know to swim and too shy to learn it now. Anyways will try and learn it soon, coz I know its once in a life time opportunity to do snorkeling and scuba diving.

So, If you guys have a list of places you want to visit in your lifetime, Note down Seychelles on the list. So till I catch up with you all, I bid you all ''BON SWAI" which is good night in creole...

நானும் என் நிழலும்...

நிழலுக்கென்று சில விதிகள் உண்டு!!!
ஒரு அழகும் உண்டு...
கருப்போ சிகப்போ
அவலக்ஷனமோ அசாத்திய அழகோ
கோடீஸ்வரனோ இல்லை பிச்சை எடுப்பவனோ
நிழல்கள் எல்லாம் ஒரே போல!!!
இதோ தனியே இருந்து மறுத்து போய்
திரும்பும் நேரம்
எப்போதும் போல எனக்காகவே காத்து
நிற்கும் என் நிழல்!
சில நேரம் நான் நிழலாகி போக தோன்றும்
உனக்கு தெரியாது
உன்னை தொட்டு கொண்டே
இருக்க வேண்டி!!!
நீயும் நிழலாக மாறுவாயோ?
மாறினால் எத்தனை சந்தோஷம்...
நானும் நீயும் வார்த்தைகளே இல்லாது
இணைந்து இருப்போம்!!
வலி தரும் மொழியினை விடுத்து!!!

கண்ணீர்!!!

ஏனோ?

எதனாலோ?

என் இத்தனை கரிப்போடு?

நெஞ்சு பிழிந்து இதயம் கசியும்

உதிரம் ஆயிற்றோ கண்ணீர்!

இல்லை

பனி போன்ற சிரிப்பை சோதனை சூரியன்

தொட்ட நொடி உருகி ஆனதோ கண்ணீராய்!

இல்லை

வாழ்க்கை வானம் இருண்டு பயமின்னல் தாக்கி

நெஞ்சு மேகங்கள் உதறிய வேதனை துளிகள் தான்

கண்ணீரோ?

இல்லையே

அது மட்டும் இல்லையே!

நெஞ்சு நிறைந்து, சொர்க்கம் தொட்ட பூரிப்புடன்

மனம் முழுக்க சிரிப்புடன் முகம் காணும் நேரம்

கண்ணில் நீர்!

எதிர்பாரா சோகத்தில் எதிர்பாரா நேரம்

தோள் தர ஒரு உயிர் இருந்தால், அப்போதும்

நன்றியோடு கண்ணில் கோர்க்கும் நீர்!

பெற்ற பிள்ளையை கையில் எடுத்த நேரம் தொட்டு

இதய துடிப்பாய் மாறிய அந்த சிறிய முகம்

நினைக்கும் போதெல்லாம்

சேரும் விழியின் ஓரத்தில் நீர்!

என் தாயின் மடியில் நான் கிடக்க

என் தலை வருடி

மௌனமாய் என்னை பார்க்கும் அந்த பார்வை

சொல்லும்

ஆயிரம் கதைகள் சந்தோஷமாக...

ஆயிரம் நினைவுகள் துக்கமாக...

தளர்ந்த அந்த தாயை பற்றி நினைக்க

என் விழியை நனைக்கும்

என்னை அறியாமல் கண்ணீர்...

ஆயிரம் மொழிகளில்,

ஆயிரமாயிரம் விதங்களில்,

வர்ணித்து விவரித்து மாய்ந்தும்

இன்னும் ஒரு கோடி வார்த்தைகள்

மிச்சம்

அந்த ஒரு துளி நீர் பற்றி

விவரிக்க...

வருவாயோ நீ!!!

என் கண்ணின் நீர்த்துளிகள் படிக்கட்டுகள் ஆனால்
என் நினைவுகள் அதில் பாதை ஆனால்
நாம் சிரித்த சிரிப்பொலிகள் அங்கே விளக்குகள் ஆனால்
நாம் வாழ்ந்த வாழ்க்கை அந்த இடர்களை உடைத்தால்
நம்மை கடந்தவை எல்லாம் மறந்து போனால்
இந்நேரம் நான் உன்னை அடைந்திருப்பேன்
உன்னை என்னோடு மறுபடி அழைத்து வர!!!

உனக்கான என் கடைசி வார்த்தைகள்
என்னோடு
விடை சொல்ல எண்ணி
அதுகூட என்னில் சிக்கி...
வார்த்தைகளும், வாக்கியங்களும்
தட்டு தடுமாறி சொல்லாமல் நிற்க,
அதுவும் மறந்து போகுமோ
கால போக்கில்...

உனக்கு தெரியுமா?
என் இதயம் சொல்லாத வலியில் படும் அவஸ்தைகளும்!!!
ரகசியமாய் கண்ணீர் வழியும் தருணங்களும்!!!
இருட்டில் கிடக்கும் மௌனங்களும்!!!
சிரிக்கும் நேரம் உன்சிரிப்பு சத்தம் என் காதில் மட்டும்!!!
அழும் நேரம் உன் கண்ணின்
பளபளப்பு என் கண்ணுக்கு மட்டும்!!!
சுகிக்கும் நேரம் உன் மூச்சு காற்று என் மீது மட்டும்!!!
சொல்லிய சொல்லாத வார்த்தைகளின் வலி
என் நெஞ்சில் மட்டும்!!!
மனதை திறந்து சொல்ல முடியாத நிலையில் நான்
சொன்னாலும் கேட்க பிடிக்காத நிலையில் நீ

உன்னை இழப்பது கடினம் எனக்கு
அதை விடவும் கடினம் உன்னை மறப்பது....
என் வாழ்வின் பாதி நினைவுகளை
அழிக்கும் தைரியம் இல்லை எனக்கு...
ஆனாலும்
வாழ்வின் பாதை
வேறு பக்கங்களில் நம்மை அழைத்து போக!!!
தெரிந்தே பிரிகிறோம்...
நான் எதை இழந்தேன்?
நீ எதை இழந்தாய்?
என்ற கூட்டல் கணக்கின் விடை
உனக்கும் எனக்கும் மட்டும் தெரிய!
எல்லோரின் முன்னிலும் மௌனமாய்
விடை தெரிந்தும் பதில் இல்லாது...

Disturbing movie I watched!!!

Well, Now that I am stuck alone in my cabin with only two channels to watch... One in Creole and the Other one in French, Creole and English, I don't have a lot to choose from! You know what I mean? Anyways, I was just chilling out in front of the screen today and I happened to see this movie which was directed by a French person. I started watching it with not much of an interest, But the movie actually got my attention. I always liked movies, no... no... Strike that!!! I love movies...

Anyways, The movie was all around this thing, which we take for granted " FIRE". The opening scene of this movie starts from this conflagrant blazing fire in front of the cave and A prehistoric Neandredal man sitting in front of it. The place is freezing and as the camera keeps moving into the cavern, it is full of the same species of people ( I don't know what to call them) huddled up together. This movie doesn't have any graphic image like this new movie " 10,000 BC ". There is a older man who has a kinda lantern made out of the hip a And thigh bones of animals and there are few pieces of charcoal which is like the source for their fire.

In this cold region, there is another much more primitive form of human who wants the fire. SO, they come and start killing half the tribe ( toooooo Gory ) and take the fire. But this old man who is in charge of that lantern runs and hides it. Leaving the dead behind, the remaining people of the colony shuffle and get into and much more colder place. This old person later retrieves the lantern, but the charcoal has died out of flame. One by one, people of that group just fall and die because of the blistering climate. So the hero of the movie, one of the young chaps of the colony goes in search of fire, with two of his other dudes.

They meet a lot of challenges like making their way through a pack of hyenas or wolves ( I'm not sure, which one ), running away from Sabre tooth cats etc. Finally reach the mountains, where the cannibal tribe is having a huge bonfire kinda thing. While two of the dudes, try to distract the group, Our hero reaches for the fire and finds that there are two peculiar kind of girls being hanged in the tree alive, while taking the fire he sets them free. Destroys this fire and runs back for his hide with his dudes. I should say this hero guy is a barbaric guy as well. They don't have any dialect, no emotions, no rules, they don't know about how to make fire, they eat raw meat and they f*** women in a very brutal way, like an animal, devoid of any bond or respect for fellow colony people, So more like a Animal himself.

Now as they run away from this cannibalistic colony, our hero falls and injures himself. One of the girls whom they save, keep following them and help him by giving some herb, which eases out his pain. Now that night as they lie down in front of the fire, one of the dudes tries to misbehave with the girl, SO she goes into our hero's custody. But the hero himself molests her. No issues regarding that by the way. Well This girl is from another tribe who are much more evolved and she leaves these men as they were sleeping. Next day morning, hero wakes up to find this girl missing. FOR the first time, he misses a woman and unable to do anything else, he follows her and the friends follow him. They walk into the girls tribe which has knowledge about fire, house, language, weapon and stuff. And finally they walk back to the tribe with this girl.

I am not able to explain a lot of stuff about the movie. But it got me thinking like all those other movies like APOCALYPTO etc... We'll this is how we started out and this is how we have evolved into. The basic self in each and every individual is still the same, WE ARE ALL THE SAME ANIMALS INSIDE, BARBARIC AND ALL...

Question not for the weak hearted!!!

The answer to this 10 paise worth question will not be found at the heart of the many and varied - cursory - reflective - religious - philosophical - weighty and abstract searches, so long as the questions remain centered around, originate from and end with the bias perspective of a canine toothed mammal called "MAN".

Perhaps, instead of searching for what the meaning of life is supposed to be, we should be reflecting on whether a meaning is INDEED POSSIBLE. If so, does it then exist, only because we seek it? I really want to argue that a man's life, like that of a whale, a giraffe or a rat or a cockroach is devoid of meaning, and is no more worthy of deserving a meaning than the lives of any other species.


To search for a meaning that does not exist, or create one's own quixotic meaning is but a futile experiment in DELUSION. It invariably leads the vulnerable and the gullible into the tangled web of the religious industry, transcendental gurus, charlatans and other smiling predators.


From what I have read and understood, my brief view on our species about " WHERE WE CAME FROM & WHERE WE GO; THE ROCK ON WHICH WE LIVE AND DIE; ITS POSITION IN RELATION TO THE COSMOS AND THE FUTILITY, INDIFFERENCE AND IMPERMANENCE OF THE UNIVERSE".

# In the 1st possibility, an all powerful, all knowing and self existent SUPREME BEING has taken up the role of the Creator of all life & Universe; Moreover that everything was designed or foreordained for a specific purpose & meaning.

# The 2nd possibility is that the Universe was formed amidst an eternal and infinite cosmos that had always existed. That the limitlessness of TIME, in concert with gravity, quantum physics and nuclear fusion gave birth to stars, planets, moons and all other celestial bodies.

Anyways, the 1st possibility, GOD, gives the world meaning but doesn't explain its chaos, while the 2nd possibility, EVOLUTION, explain its chaos but cannot give it meaning.

As for the incipience of life itself from inanimateness to the first single cell organism; My understanding is simply that the chaotic and unique conditions that existed at that particular time, and which had not hitherto or since existed, at least not on our little planet, predisposed life to burgeon and evolution took us the rest of the way. Admittedly, this theory is not set in stone but there is incontrovertible evidence to suggest that it is the less ridiculous of the two.

Now, if we were to draw from the biblical and other scriptural version of creation, we would have to accept a world designed by a supposedly benevolent GOD; where one must feed on each other in order to survive; where one must feed on the death of the other - where something has to die for something else to live.

One would then also have to concede, that the pain suffered by a gazelle as it is devoured alive by a lion, or that endured by a rat ripped apart by the talons of an eagle, is all a part of a perfect and irreproachable nature.

Moreover, we must bear in mind that this nature was allegedly designed by a compassionate and omnipotent GOD, who then went on to pass a law condemning killing whilst recognizing slavery.

If we look into the history of the canine toothed predator we call, MAN, we would soon see an evolution from a raw and savage barbarism to a nefarious system of man systematically exploiting man - with a brief interlude immersed in blood, torture, rape, slavery, human sacrifice, wars, cannibalism and other abominations.

So, if meaning was a kind of reward which is bestowed on the " VIRTUOUS" by a caring and kindly creator, I hasten to add that of all the species sharing the Earth today, man would have to rank, among one of the least deserving species, to receive it.

It is often posited that man is the only species endeared with an innate sense of right and wrong. I submit that history does not support this view, for on most occasions when due to breakdown in law and order, e.g. wars, plagues and natural disaster; when those 'innate qualities' have not been enforced; when man has been left to his won devices, to do as he chooses with impunity, his so - called sense of right and wrong soon degenerated into widespread looting, burning, rape, murder and reckless destruction. In a nutshell, on the occasions where his nature has not been suppressed by force, his true animal instincts soon emerged.

In my sense, the sense of right and wrong is no more innate in man that it is in other species. It is taught to many by society, much in the same way as a man teaches a DOG that it is wrong to eat the family cat but right to retrieve a ball.

When we think of the brevity of our lives in terms of geological times, we can only conclude that it is no more than an insignificant heartbeat in time. Similarly, if we compare a finite Universe with eternal cosmic time, we begin to wonder what dent, a few thousand billion years of existence could possibly make on the fabric of eternity?

From this perspective of eternity, Our UNIVERSE would seem to appear and disappear as quickly as the future merges into the past; therefore it cannot be anything else but INSIGNIFICANT, INDIFFERENT AND COMPLETELY DEVOID OF ANY MEANING. What's more, it is not impossible that out " BIG BANG" may have been but one of many, that could have occurred in the past, and which may again occur in the future. " BING BANGS" which may have given birth to other Universes with stars, planets, moon and other life forms, like those that exist today - which may have existed for a time before disappearing without a trace.

It is self evident that the only interference we can draw from the turbulence of an impermanent Universe is its proof of randomness. It exists in all its randomness simply because it does, if it did not, it would not exist.

For some time now, humans have been led to believe, that should we aspire to and acquire "virtues" such as loyalty, obedience, honesty, nobility, charity, integrity, truthfulness, graciousness and so on and so forth. And if we did, then our original " DESIGNER" would somehow reward us with immortality - albeit posthumously. Another trendy thought suggests that even without immortality, "virtues'' per se, give meaning and purpose to life.

I do not latch on to the same view. It is my firm belief that in an epoch of ignorance and superstition that those 'virtues' were specifically constructed letter by letter, syllable by syllable & word & word to dissuade the oppressed many from cutting the throats of the bloated few; designed by those who would would benefit most from them. At first, by the vilets of institution: RELIGION and MONARCHIES. Later the Feudal system perpetuated those make believe 'virtues' to appease the serfs, to placate the slaves, to soothe the oppressed,to manipulate them into serving and fulfilling their master's purposes instead of their own. To convince them to remain servile and LOYAL, to indoctrinate them with the silly notion that they should not revolt but meekly accept their fate with dignity and that if they remain faithful and patient, then somehow, they would " INHERIT THE EARTH''. FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!!

Today, those same fabricated ' virtues', those same unnatural qualities continue to beguile the gullible, the naive and the Innocent into leading artificial lives against the grain of their true nature. With most of the human race forced to waste their fleeting lives labouring like beasts of burden to generate capital of further enrich the few.

I ask you, where is the divine or otherwise in such a miserable existence of quiet desperation? It is mind blogging to accept that such an unjust biased system could ever have been designed, as rumor has it, by just , unbiased and omnipotent creator? Just as artificial 'virtues' exist only in the minds of those who believe in them, so too does meaning exist only for those who seek it.

To believe something to be true, simply because we wish it to be true, does not necessarily make it so. If you are standing ankle - deep in pig shit, no amount of wishful thinking or self delusion will suddenly change reality and put you ankle deep in Swiss chocolate. At the end of the day, you will still be in pig shit.

When all is said and done, we are not divine beings destined for immortal life somewhere in the clouds, but an evolving species of hairy mammals, who for this fleeting moment in time, live on a hot bit of stardust, which in turn spins around a temporary fire. Sooner or later, willing or unwilling, everyone of us is introduced to oblivion. That dear friends, is the long and short of it; everything else is mass delusion. DO not try to readjust your mind - the fault is inherit in reality itself. What I have been saying is this, no matter how much we try to sanitize and distort it, reality is reality. Our thinking can only change the way we see it - it cannot change reality itself.

I am afraid that the pure joy that other animals, madmen and little children derive from life, simply by existing, is all the meaning that life has to offer. Today, we may have evolved beyond a point where this pure joy is no longer possible and it could well be, that it is lost to us forever.

At this moment in time, we are merely recycling atoms, moving matter around on the surface of our rock from one place to another. In the end, whatever we as individuals or collectively as a species manage to achieve, will not amount to much more than just scattered debris of stardust wondering endlessly through time and space, waiting for gravity to weave its magic all over again.

Life is a journey leading nowhere, just as it has been for countless generations before us and will be for countless more after us, until in the end, even eternity and infinity may cease to be...

என் தினமும்

இருட்டில் விட்டால் கூட என் வீட்டு
ஒவ்வொரு மூலையும் எனக்கு அத்துபடி....
ஆனால் பட்ட பகலில் கூட எனக்கு புரியாது
என்னை சுற்றிசுழலும் என் உலகம்...
பார்வை இருந்தும் கையால் துழவி கொண்டே
தட்டு தடுமாறி என் நடை!!!
இதுவரை என்ன செய்தேன்?
இனி என்ன செய்வேன்?
புரியாத கேள்விகளும்...
பதிலறியா மௌனங்களும்
என்னை கட்டி பிடித்து...
பார்க்கும் முகங்கள் எல்லாம்
என்றோ கண்ட முகங்களின் பிரதிபலிப்பு!
விருப்பமிலாத சிரிப்பும்
விரும்பியும் கிட்டாத தெளிவும்
முகமும் மூளையும் குழப்பி குழம்பி
எனை தோற்கடிக்கும்!
எதனுள்ளோ எனை தொலைத்து விட்டு
எதனுள்ளோ தேடி கொண்டே இருக்கிறேன்!
இந்த குருட்டு தேடலில் ஒரு சுகம்
போகும் வழியறியாது
போய் சேரும் இடமும் அறியாது
ஆனாலும்
நிற்காது ஓடுகிறது
என் தினங்கள்!

போரில் நான்!!!

என் பூமகனே!
நான் செய்த புண்ணியம் நீ என்னுடையதானாய்!
ஆனால் நீ செய்த பாவமோ நான் உனக்கு தாயாய்!
எத்தனை எத்தனை தழும்புகள் உன் மனதில்
இந்த ஐந்து வயதுக்குள்!
மழலை சிரிப்பில் மூழ்கி விளையாடும் பருவத்தில்
உனக்கோ என் கண்ணீர் துடைக்கும் வேலை!
எனக்கு கிட்டிய அழகு குழந்தை பருவத்தை
உனக்கு கொடுக்க இயலாது நான்!
ஏனோ நீ ஒற்றை மரமாய் நிற்க நான் காரணமானேன்!
என் தவறுகளின் தண்டனை உனக்கு...

இதோ விடை கொடுக்கிறேன் மீண்டும்
ஒரு கோடி மன்னிப்புடன், என் இதயம் சிதைந்து
உன் முன்!
உயிரே பிசையும் வலி...
உன் கண்ணின் ஒவ்வொரு துளிக்கும்!
இன்னும் எத்தனை வேதனை நீ சகிக்க,
நான் காண வேண்டுமோ!
என் எதிரிக்கும் வேண்டாம் இந்த நரகம்
என் வாழ்க்கை பாதையை அழித்து அழித்து
எழுத சத்தியமாக ஆசை இல்லை எனக்கு!
உன் கண்ணீர் அடக்கி என் கண்ணை துடைக்கும்
உன் பட்டு விரல்கள்!
எத்தனை முதிர்ச்சி உன் கண்ணில்!!!

ஒரு அடி முன் வைக்க, பத்து அடி பின் வழுக்கி
இதோ திரும்ப தொடக்கத்தில் இருந்து என் ஓட்டம்...
நாளை கண் விழிக்கும்போது உன் முடி கலைத்து
முத்தமிட்டு எழுப்ப நான் இல்லை!
என்மேல் விழுந்து பிரண்டு, உன் யானையாய் மாற்றி
உன் பஞ்சு மூட்டையாய் மாறி,
கண்ணாமூச்சி ஆட நான் இல்லை!
மின்னல் வேகத்தில் குளிப்பாட்டி, உடை உடுத்தி,
ஒரு பக்கம் இட்லியும் சக்கரையும் ஊட்டி,
காலனி பூட்டி, பள்ளிக்கு அனுப்பி
புயலடித்து ஓய்ந்த அமைதியை உணர நான் இல்லை!
பள்ளி முடித்து நீ வரும் வழி பார்த்து
ஓடிவரும் உன்னை சேர்த்தணைத்து தூக்கி
உன் திராட்சை விழிகள் விரிய நீ சொல்லும்
கதை கேட்க நான் இல்லை!
இரவு உன்னை கட்டி பிடித்து
கதை சொல்லி உறங்க வைக்க நான் இல்லை!

இத்தனை கொடுமை நான் செய்தும்
விழியில் ததும்பும் நீரோடு, உன் ஈர முத்தத்தில் நனைத்து
என்னை பத்திரமாக இருக்க சொல்லும்
என் ஐந்து வயது தெய்வமே!
இனியாவது உனக்கு விடியல் கிடைக்க
இதோ என் தனிமை பயணம்!
என் வேண்டுதல் எல்லாம் எப்போதும்
உனக்காகவே!
எனக்காகவும் உண்டு ஒரே ஒரு வேண்டுதல்
இனி ஒரு ஜென்மம் இருந்தால்
நானே உன் தாயாய் வரவே அது...
அப்போதாவது ஒரு நல்ல அம்மாவாய் இருக்க!