War and Peace!!!

Well, I have been hiding out for quite some time from the blog world. Just a bit busy with my work or that is what I would love to say about my laziness... But anyways, I watched a movie that really sort of made me think about it for quite sometime. APOCALYPTO... well a nice movie... Which sort of reminded me of a some more movies i saw... Amistad, Schindler's list, a bit of kannathil muthamittal...

I suddenly took interest in reading this book called "Ponniyin Selvan", so I went to purchased all the three massive parts. Going through the pages one after another stirred the same feeling. Why did all the great stories had so much of blood spilled on each and every page of its victory? So much of blood shed for what... All the greatest man made structures like the Great wall of china, the Pyramids of Egypt's and the Mayans and the TajMahal has thousands and thousands of people's sacrifice behind it.

Have you noticed a colony of ants going in to invade another colony and ultimately both the colonies dies? What we do is in a little more higher scale, isn't it? Till now... Greed and thriving for better things have lead men go through paths that cannot be justified in any ways. Is it in our genes? I don't know??? They say there is an alpha male in all the species, which is good physically and can survive better and more dominating and wild. Does this go to countries as well? Trying to be gods or pretending to be one, whichever it is... The ultimate losers are the common civilians, whose dreams are just to raise a simple family and to keep them safe.

If we can't bring peace between one family, as you know with nowadays nuclear families, where mother in law doesn't get along with daughter in law, and parents don't get along with children and etc. etc., I don't think we can bring unity within our human kind which is already spliced hard with castes and religions and colour and economy and nationalities.

Well, I have heard that Alexander the Great who captured and ruled almost the whole world his friend on his death bed, to let both his hands lie out of his coffin to tell the world that he was not even able to take a handful of sand in spite his power and supremacy. All of us should get this in our heads cause we think we are invincible. I guess and each should realise that we all are nothing more than specs of dust which will blow off with time...

The infamous step!!!

My mom always thought that she had given birth to some prodigy kids and always made us learn everything possible. In her trial of making us Masters of all trades, we had to learn so many stuff. I will try to list out...Bharathanatiyam, vocal carnatic music, veena for me and miruthangam for my brother, shorthand, typing, rollerskating etc... etc...

So I started learning Bharathanatiyam, when I was 4 or 5 and I was the first student to learn it and was famous those days. But with all the gifts and attention, My twin bro got highly irritated and at one point, he started to challenge me, while I was practising. I was stupid enough to take up his challenge. But to every one's surprise, he had so much of grasping power. Though he had never danced even once, he picked up almost 2 years of my classes. He was good enough to level me up at my varnam!!!

Alas!!! My short span of attention and stuff just went down the drain. Once again, he outbeat me... Though I don't remember much details, there are a few parts of laughter here and there.

Once we were supposed to perform in a Rotary club, We had a hectic schedule and to lighten up the crowd, My dance teacher decided to let us do a peppy number, probably " Jhoot bhole kawwa kathe" from Bobby, if I am not wrong. We had to watch that song on VCR like over a thousand times to get the same steps. We later realised it was a huge event and the chief guest was My chithappa, who was a minister at that time and loads of Police officials, Rotarian's and Doctors and their families were invited. Almost a 3 hours programme. Every thing was going as per schedule and it was really nice. Nice costumes and loads of applause to start with.

There was a particular step in which I am supposed to sit down and beg my brother and catch hold of his foot. Never really liked that step, coz I had to catch his foot. I even tried to bribe my dance miss to either change it or replace it with some other step. Cool isn't it? I was, what around 6 or 7 and already trying to bribe. Well the attempt was a sooper dooper failure... And I was furious and never used to do that step on rehearsal, even once.

On that big night, We were performing this song. At that particular step, I felt so furious to have to hold his foot, in front of so many people. So I might have pinched him, a bit, by mistake, I guess. But he stamped my hand in return. That was it... The rage that was suppressed for all those long hours, days and weeks, from inside just burst out. I attacked him like a tigress with all vengeance and started biting his arms. He pulled my hairdo and flip fell my wig and That was it. There was a mini war and bloodshed on stage, like never before. After a moment of silence, there was a sudden outburst of laughter in the crowd. My mom and my dance miss literally sank so low in their chairs at that instance, cowering their faces.

So much cursing, crying, shouting, hitting and running around for "Jhoot bhole" on stage was apparently more hilarious and more entertaining to the crowd, rather than the steps we got after gruelling practise sessions. Finally the Inspector and the Sub inspector of police, who came as my Chithappa's security, had to climb up the stage and had to pull us apart and carry us, out of the stage. This photo was taken in the back stage and can you still see the anger and irritation on both our faces!!!

For my embarrassment, people still do remember that incident and quote it now and then. Especially when they see me with my son, who looks at me like an alien and rolls and laughs at me, after the narration is over.

My twin brother, still keeps saying now and then, I was after all made of the left over and he seemed to have acquired the best and I am his so called

"FACTORY REJECTED PIECE". I love him so much!!!

Sleeping patterns: I liked it...

I don't know how true it is... But looked so cool!!! Enjoy... I am sure who ever sees this, will automatically think how they sleep with their partner.

Is this how one would feel, when trust is lost !!!

Why are we attracted to a person, We know isn't good enough? Why do we fall for the wrong person?


Is it because We are hoping that we are wrong, whenever that voice whispers inside our head? And every time he does something that tells you that he is not good, You ignore it. And every time he comes through and surprises you, He wins you over. And You always lose the argument with yourself "THAT HE IS NOT GOOD ENOUGH
FOR YOU".


It is hard to believe when you hear people say," I know how you feel". But if you are really hurt at heart, I actually know how you feel. I understand the feeling that is as small and insignificant as humanly possible. And How it can actually ache in places inside that you never knew that where inside you.


And It doesn't matter how many new make overs you have, how many places you go to, or however you spend your time, You are still going to lie down every night thinking of each and every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. And How in the hell in that briefest moment of uncertainity, you could think that you were actually that happy.


After all that, How ever long that may be, You might go somewhere new, meet people who will make you feel worth while again and you make friends. The bits and pieces of your lost soul will finally come back to you. And all the fuzzy stuff, those years that you have wasted, THAT WILL EVENTUALLY BEGIN TO FADE AWAY.

The letter that never made it to the Post Box

May be this should be the letter, that should be running in the minds of any couple who split after years of trying to figure out their marital life... May be I can run away? But I have nobody to run off with...nor can I run off. Apparently, My life isn't even my own to do away with. I do feel in my heart, I must take leave of you now. Because unless I disentangle myself from you emotionally... I will never be a better person nor a fit parent for my child.

I don't think you could measure all the tears I have shed. When I've needed you most, You always have found it more pressing to be anywhere else, but with me. But I know it wasn't always so. I know the world was once vibrant with promise. How thrilling my life was until I met you and even adventurous for some time? But somewhere along the line, something was lost. Just Lost in Translation, I guess. I must have loved you an awful lot, to have been so hurt. In fact, sometimes I almost wish you would have yourself a love affair. So you would know how the heart can be affected.

Oh... I guess you loved me in your own way... As a part of the whole picture. A COMFORTABLE LIFE TAKEN FOR GRANTED. But believe me, IT IS NOT ENOUGH. May be it is all I meant to get, But don't let anybody over treat our child this way.

From here on, I will stop hoping you will change. I won't expect evenings To be different different from each other. Nor weekends different from work days. I won't expect anything anymore. But just know that you have destroyed a heart and a marriage. I have stopped expecting. But I still miss your tenderness, your thoughtfullness and even your politeness. I don't know if you have it in you, But I yearn for it.

May be someday, when you have noting else on your mind.