Slipping through the time....

My job has this weird effect on me... I love my work... I can reach a person and a family at so many different levels. For all that I do, I can really make a difference in a person's life... or should I say quality of life. I love pencil sketching and I remember when I was in my 11th std., I drew a picture of my dad sitting in this easy chair with a walking stick right next to him and bald. My dad had this amazing silky soft hair which he used to handle in such a way. But I never could see him grow old... In my heart, he is still young and energetic and lovely.

In my job, I see lots of elderly patients in their late 80's and early 90's with various degrees of dementia. I find it so painful to watch them. You know what kind of image I have when I see a patient with dementia... An empty shell... Whatever we are, we have been slips away into this void and imagine not being able to recognise your own hands, your lovable partner and your children... what do you think life would be worth, if your are lost like this? Nothing, I suppose...

But each time I see them, even if it's everyday sometimes two or three times a day, I still introduce myself to them and some can talk, some have no expression and some just mumble. Each time you come close to such a patient, its the smell that makes me have this Dejavu. Its a mix of soap, powder, cornflakes with milk and pee and shit*** with strange smell of depression. It never changes from one patient to another. It catches upon me at times.

I remember one of my lovely lady, who is 91 years old, who kept crying for her father and kept saying that she has lost her dress for her prom party. Silly life, ain't it. You go through life with smile, tear, pain, surprise and various emotions and you end up getting old and whatever you have been through just disappears from your mind and you become nothing that you were... So tell me, now... Having to go through this life like this, is it worth it... Do tell me. I find that death is more inviting in this situation. What is your thought about this, my people.