kaleidoscope

The lovely days, I have spent with you
The times, I was mad with your thoughts
The dates, which we just spent laughing
The happy minutes, we enjoyed together
Letters, we shared with love
The poems, which dug deep into our souls
The nights, we spent talking
The warp, in which we both were lost
The days, we were drenched in our anger
The nights, we quenched it with our touches
Kisses, which just kept us alive
The gaps, in which we slept
The minutes, which we wanted to spent together
The seconds, we suffered for our separation
The hours, we waited to see again
Everything
Everything
Seems to have lost inside my aberrations today!!!
You and me were just mere images that keeps on churning
Will not be the same again.

My Letters!!!

Let me tell you something...
My words are terrified of sound
I will hand it to you, only when i finish cooking in a heart of paper...
Please forget what is in it, even before you open it!
I don't want to talk to you, when they are asleep...
When do I find time to write to you, for you, about you?

Well... The ones I start in the morning ends in the evening
And as I finish it, It becomes my sun!
The ones I start in the dusk gets over by dawn
And as I sign it, It turns into my dreams!
The ones I start in the summer drags into winter
And even as I start, My words opens up like mushrooms!

The ones I start in the autumn, keeps withering off
And here I stand like a barren tree!
The ones I start in the spring, keeps flying like a dust
Even as I start thinking of it!
The ones I start in the winter, keeps getting frozen
And just disappears in front of my eyes!

Then when and where and how?
Will you ever understand that I don't think of you now and then
My heart keeps scribbling about you with each breath
Coz... Your silence keeps screaming in my ears all the time.

My silence!!!

In this dusty silence,

Where you and I have forgotten to fall in

Our words are resting peacefully...

We know its hard to carry the meanings around

But we still do with heavy hearts...

Though the ripe words are silent and sitting back

The sprouting words keeps bouncing to and fro...

Just to give this suffocating heart a break

Here we try after a massive effort

To bring out a few verses from heart...

And watch it come out dazed, confused and stupid...

Well, what can I say?

Let's get back to how it was

Let my silence converse with yours...

Silent and Alone!!!

In this long and mysterious night
When all other beings have stopped even their heart beats
I can only hear the screaming of silence at its top pitch
Tell me again, what am I searching for in this?

In this frozen night, searching for a blanket
Am I looking for warmth to cover me?
Am I looking for the hands to hide me?
Am I looking for the soothing words to put some life back?
What is that I am searching for again?

I am so tired of searching for nothing
In the lonely places, just to hide my fears
Just to chase my void thoughts,
I keep shouting your name again and again.

Let me slice my lips off, just to make me forget about your kisses
It is hard to kill the soul that has been lost in your kisses.
I neither need your love nor your passion nor my patience
Tell me again, what am I searching for?

When the fights have finished,
When your killing accusations have rested,
When you want to kiss and make up,
Let my face without lips be there to greet you
Like a beautiful painting tainted to ugliness…

Will you ever realize that I have a soul that is searching for love?
My search may go in vain,
But my search will never seize…
Tell me again, what am I searching for?

My childhood!!!

My childhood was like a dream...

I had such a lovely time and remember every single laugh and tear we shared.

But all that is left in me is the fading memories with pain and distance

I know we have come a long way apart and each in separate paths...

Can't cross the distance between our hearts

Each stuck in a happy quick sand of their own which just pulls us more farther

Each remember the happy and good times and the words which have made us sad

All are walking with the scars that was left behind

Once we tried to laugh and cry and share and lean on

And now we have even tried to unleash our animals and rip others heart out

Here we all stand in sister and brotherhood shedding tears and blood

Each trying to conceal the pain we have inflicted on others and still smile

If only I had the guts, I would surely say how sorry I am

If only I had the power to change time, I will definitely go and change things

Coz... the loneliness that is left behind after our fights will continue till my grave

Would love to fill the gap inside me before I could rest in this earth

Till then, my people... I want to say I really miss you all and will love you all more than ever
If I have to be born again, please be with me and lets try and make that life more meaningful

I am so incomplete without you all...

Sorry...till then

The skin I live IN!!!

I chose to write in this topic, coz it is such a fascinating topic!!! Colour of skin we are born with is something that is being determined by the genetic composition. The melanin pigment determines the colour and texture of a person's complexion. SO much for the technical part...But the whole world seems to be running around this buzz world. So many fights, killings, and incidents make you wonder whether there is any humanity left out in this world...

But I do have to say that I always envied people who had fair complexion for so many reasons, which I have personally experienced. Let me try and tabulate them

• In a crowd, no matter how knowledgeable you are, you are sidetracked or refused, if you are to the tanner shades compared to the lighter ones.
• When a person is fair, they don't have to make more effort to impress the opponent, coz you have a river that goes flooding from the drool of those in front.
• Fair skinned ones (FSO) are considered in someway superior to the darker skinned ones(DSO). I don't understand why they think being dark is dumb?
• If a FSO has to take 50% effort to shine, the DSO are probably supposed to take 150% effort to get a chance to prove that they are good enough too.
• Why is that when you open a matrimonial column, you see that all the grooms are in need of a fair complexioned, tall and slim beauties?
• When they name a guy, they say Tall, dark and handsome but when they name a girl, they don't say dark and pretty. I don't know why dark and pretty don't go hand and hand?
• Well this list keeps going on and on...

I have always been fascinated by K.Balachander's heroines like Saritha, Suhasini and Balumahendra's heroines like Shoba, Archana and others like Nandita das, Silk smitha and Hollywood hotties like Salma hayek, Halle berry etc. May be it is just my imagination that i feel that they all have such feminine essence radiating from them along with such an arrogance and intelligence. I have felt it as a deadly combination!!!

I heard a recent song which called the tanned heroine with a very peculiar name "Thoratti Kannu Karuvachi" which is very hard to translate in english. Just in a rough sense means a sexy eyed darker tanned girl! I would rather love to stay in this complexion because you don't have to be centre of attraction to feel good. I would rather have all the superficial ones
get filtered and get the real ones to turn to turn to my side, who would look beyond the skin.

So the let the world keep running behind the skin, I am better off with people who would rather have the brains to look beyond it... lol...

Will I be brave enough?

Trying to scold my sealed lips
Trying to recite what I want to say a million times inside me
Trying to hold my heart beats till I see you
Trying to check time as it passes by, waiting!!!

With your one smile, here I am standing stunned
Smiling back at you, forgetting all I thought!
Why did I lose the battle again?
There goes my seed of trial, let me feed it with more courage
Will wait for a tomorrow for it to sprout…

Like a seed that goes into nothing after giving a tree
My love for you will go into nothing after I give it to you!!!
I realized my heart only when you left me…
Where am I supposed to bury my vanished dreams and frozen smiles?

I refuse to think about you!!!
I refuse to succumb to your thoughts!!!
I know it is a closed chapter
Trying to rub off the wasted pages of love
Trying to tear off the mirage of our world…

But how am I supposed to finish the words
Those are going beyond the full stop?
I leave it to time to heal
Till then I will break my chains and grow wings
And try to learn to fly…

This vacuum!!!

Music to touch my ears and graze my heart
Poems to touch my heart and to make me cry
Scenic beauty to touch my eyes
Wonderful books to catch my attention
Wholesome conversation to make me active
Twinkling stars to capture my thoughts
Wind singing a lullaby, while I lie in the hammock
Trees and flowers to dance for an eternal drum beat
Misty rain to quench their thirst
And the list goes on and on
Am I just stuffing all this into my empty loneliness?
But nothing seems to have changed within me
Just the vacuum that is spreading like the cosmic universe within me
I think I miss you…

Women!!!

Well women... What can I say about them? I read in Tamil literature that there are so many stages in a girl' s life from childhood to her death and each stage denoted by so many different names ( Arivai, Therivai, Pedhai, Pedhunbai,Mangai, Madandhai, Perillam penn etc. etc.). Did they give such names because they are special? Well, I guess so...

The multifaceted thought of a girl cannot be just explained by mere words. A girl thinks of so many different issues at the same given time. If she is so good in her ideas and view point and strength, why is that women are considered the weaker species? I have always been taken by surprise, by the way the male dominance hits you and puts you aside. Being a girl, it is just taken for granted that she is not capable of doing things on her own and there are a hundred fingers to point out and a hundred suggestions to say how else it could have been done better?

I happened to read in a literature recently that the Indian Penal Code has brought in new rules and regulations against Domestic violence, which is good. They have divided them into 4 main categories: Verbal or emotional abuse, Physical abuse, Sexual abuse and Financial abuse. Well, we know about the financial part, Don't we? Dowry asked or should i rather say demanded and received on top of the table or below the table or what ever....which we all have witnessed. We have heard about the physical abuse as well...it is just the Beating, thrashing, kicking, Burning etc. causing grievous injury. Sexual abuse is new... I can't comment on it!!!

But the new part is, if a girl is been verbally abused, for example any ill words about her or her family or anything that causes emotional hurt to her state of mind, that comes under the category of domestic violence too. Cool, isn't it? Well, have you heard your mother or your sister cry after a tough ruffle, that is called Domestic violence, My dear ladies. So, what are we going to do about it? well, it is just a passing cloud. Can we all fuss over a few spilt words? After all, the male has an inborn right in their genes, to call you names and not only you, your family too which includes your father, mother, brother and sister. Just swallow it like a bad mean horrible yucky bitter tablet and make sure we all drink enough water to get it down from your throat into the bottom of your heart. Let it stay there forever and we will soon have more to add on to this priceless treasure of zingers and make our life a sacrifice to human kind. It is just no big deal... We have a huge group to accompany us in this. In India, over 78% of women are victims of domestic violence... Hip hip hurray...We are not alone.

How proud do you think I am, to be born as a girl? Well, in spite of all these craps, women are doing pretty good in all the fields. I really should appreciate that...

A small survey to show what is happening:INDIA: CRIME AGAINST WOMEN

• One crime against women every three minutes
• One rape every 29 minutes
• One dowry death case every 77 minutes
• One case of cruelty by husband and relatives every nine minutes
  Source: National Crime Records Bureau

A joke to finally add on: A survey by the International Institute for Population Studies showed 56% of Indian women believed wife beating to be justified in certain circumstances. The reasons varied from going out without the husband's permission to cooking a bad meal. LOL... Keep going, My dear people... Just a few more years to touch the ground coz you are really stooping as low as possible. Good for you all....

Why is it so difficult to say sorry?

Sorry.... Such a small word with so much meaning in it. Why is it so difficult to say this small word at the right time to the right person? What is that which stops us from saying it? Is it the Pandora's box which remains seated within everyone silently with full of ego, anger, spite, jealousy, fear, hypocrisy, condescension, arrogance, which just springs open when u have the least resistance over it?

I have lost a lot of people in this due course of my silly life, because i could not bring my self to apologize. The hurt of losing the trust and love of that person continues like a deadly shadow. If only I could meddle with the time warp, I would definitely go back to say sorry, or guess i would try? As the awkward silence continues after a fight, I was just pulled far away from my friends and loved ones etc. The distance just kept growing and growing till it became a huge canyon in between the hearts and it becomes impossible to reach one another. Now even If I see them on their face, a multitude of feelings just run inside and finally I am just left to feel the pain and hurt and insult and remorse. Gone are the days, when forgiveness prevailed.

Even now, I have no backbone to go up to them to say sorry. I am so scared of being rejected again. If only I had the courage....

I apologize to those hearts which still carry the scar of whatever I did. I really do....